


Purple just isn't their color.

by LevisJam



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Akabane Karma, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Family Drama, Family Issues, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Mutilation, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 15:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15391818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LevisJam/pseuds/LevisJam
Summary: One depressed potato plus one depressed smol bean equals a heck of a story (^.^) Karma succumbed to his numbness. Nothing changes, until he realizes his prince in blue, has fallen victim as well.





	Purple just isn't their color.

**Author's Note:**

> Last time I've posted: Janurary 2017 (>_<)
> 
> But I'm back!! And still happy!! And still writing self harm related fanfiction!!
> 
> I'm finally 16, I'm finally a high school junior, and finally away from toxic friends!! I moved to the earths armpit, Florida!!
> 
> Chin up my dudes. Life is going to bitch on ya parade, but that doesn't mean you can't keep going. Always strive for the future!! 
> 
> Please love yourself. Always <3

I'm a goddamn nightmare, dearest. 

I'm not a suicidal person at all, but on paper it seems that I am. I think I'm really quite horrible to myself in many ways. 

You always think it's going to be fine, the body will repair itself. There will be another chance. But I'm 18 now. 

The body won't keep repairing itself. You know when you can flick a coin and catch it on your elbow, and flick it up and catch it on the back of your head? And then you can't even catch it with two hands any more?

You realize something is wrong.

I've cut far too deep, to the point in which I've fallen numb. My hands cannot detect bitter cold, not even heartbeat. 

The tree at my window tapped silently, desperate in itself to escape the flurries outside. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't even know it was winter. 

I slid silently out of bed and into a pair of slippers, keeping a blanket wrapped around my body for the sake of my health. Why do I even care? My sinuses always were backed up like a Tokyo coffee shop line. 

Hm, coffee. 

I made my way into the small kitchenette, and kicked the old Keurig machine back to life. The first mug on the shelf above was red, held together by a mess of glue. The next was a light blue. Nagisa claimed that mug for himself against my will, but I subconciously obliged. 

Oh, Nagisa. He mentioned spending the night recently, so he'll probably barge in at any given moment

As if on cue, the faint doorbell chimed it's eery tune. I sighed, and went to open the door before he could ring again.

"Karma!"

I was immediately pulled into an unwanted hug. 

"Oi Nagisa, too much." I grumbled. 

He tossed his bag on the leather couch, and gave me a smile.

"I know, I missed you too."

~ ~ ~

"It's weird, you look as if though you've kissed life goodbye already. I didn't take you for the type to lounge around on a Saturday morning." Nagisa said, heating up the coffee I abandoned earlier. 

"I'm not. That's your thing, midget." 

He glared at me, then dumped out the icy coffee.

Tch.

"I'm suprised you aren't freezing, what with your cold-blooded attitude." 

"I truthfully don't feel a thing." I muttered, my gaze casted down.

"Edgy. What do you mean by that?" 

"Nothing, forget it Blue."

"Red. I still worry about you."

I sighed, patting the seat next to me. He hesitantly walked over and sat, confused as to why I invited him into my personal space. His closeness sparked a moment of warmth in my heart.

The day two years ago that Nagisa discovered my declining mental health was one to remember. He stayed an entire week, to make sure I was safe. Even though, it's usually me protecting his stupid ass. 

Never again will I make the mistake of not answering a text from him, the memory of him wrapping my slaughtered wrists in gauze and wiping my tears away was too much at the time. It's still too much to handle now. I can't be weak. Is being absolutely and completely numb self harm in itself?

"Nagi, it's nothing you can help with. It's nothing that I'm even doing. I'm just, numb? I guess that's the word for it."

"What do you mean by numb?" He asked softly.

"I'm not happy. But I'm not sad. I'm not warm. But I'm not cold."

"That's something I understand, Karma. I don't understand you yourself at times, I'll be honest. But when you evade affection and don't offer any yourself, it just warps your perspective real bad. So..."

He scooted close enough so that our legs touched. My cheeks failed my motives, and glowed pink.

"You could start, by returning my hugs."

"Well. Ok.." I murmured, and awkwardly placed my arms around him.

"Karma I swear you've been living in a cave your whole life. Try it like this." He laughed, and laid against me.

"Oh god um, I don't think I can do this." I muttered, too embarrased to look him in the eye.

"Just try." 

I shifted myself against the couch so he was laying against my chest, and gently wrapped my arms around his waist. 

God I wish I would have done this sooner. His hair was so soft, and so was his skin. I felt as though I were holding a doll.

"Is this ok Nagi?" 

"Very comfy. I think I'm seeing a soft side of you, I felt you playing with my hair a second ago."

Stupid face, it seethed red from embarrassment. I lessened my hold on him, and tried to tame the seering red that made it's presence on my face. Nagisa seemed to relax in my arms, I liked that. I liked that I could ease his tensions.

"Could you put the tv on? I want to stay like this for a bit."

I felt behind me for the remote, eventually finding it behind a pillow. The news channel flashed to life.

Thailand soccer team rescue to be a huge success. 12 kids and 1 adult were rescued from an underwater cave after nearly a month had passed. 

I tuned out the reporter, and studied Nagisa. 

Soft hair. Soft skin. Small hands. Small frame. 

He tentatively reached for my hand, asking if I would take it into mine without saying a word. 

His small hand, was sort of like a baseball compared to my hand, the glove. It seemed right. It felt right. 

Something though, was off. Sweat bands covered his own wrist, during December. 

"Hey, Nagisa. Why did you want to come over?" I asked, tightening my grip on him.

He looked up with me, with starry moon eyes that glowed lunar.

"I needed a break."

"From what, home? Family?" 

"Life, dude. People are both the breath and death of me."

I released his hand, and picked at the gray sweatband. Oh no, he was wearing one on the other wrist as well..

"Aye, stop. I was gonna go to the gym but it was closed."

Lier. 

"Why so defensive? The gym isn't even closed." I pressed. He hid his hands into his sweater sleeves.

"Just stop."

"Your a hypocrite, Blue." 

I took ahold of his arm, and forced it down so I could examine what the band hid. 

"Karma stop! That hurts, idiot!" He hissed, and fought against my grasp. Though, he was too weak. 

Fucking hell. Fucks sake Nagisa, what were you thinking? 

Cuts over old ones, burns over fresh cuts, bruises over burns.

"I'd say you were the idiot, but I guess this isn't the time. So, why did you really want to spend the night?" I asked again, deadly calm. I wasn't angry. I felt like karma itself. Someone was about to die.

"I needed a break. I'm not saying anything else." He murmured, rubbing his eyes with his palms. 

Broken blue. I offered another hug.

I don't think I've initiated a hug willfully in 10 years. 

"Remember that night, that you were scared as hell? Hours went by, and I hadn't answered my cell?" 

"Yes, I do. And, I think were about to revisit that memory..." 

That was all he could manage to say, before breaking. 

"Karma, your right for one livid moment in your life. I'm an absolute hypocrite. I didn't think you'd ever suspect this of me, considering I was strong during the time you suffered. I watched you bleed out that night, and I was bleeding also. There's so much I've never told you, shit Karma. I wish I didn't keep this all bottled up because now I don't know where to even start.." He sobbed, shamelessly. 

Dearest. I'm so sorry I couldn't see through your tricks and lies.


End file.
